Tales for Tots Offer Political Wisdom
Yes, those venerable bedtime storybooks help frame the morals and mores of our young’uns but imbedded in those time-tested tales is a rich vein of political wisdom that will help build political platforms that will guide them through life. Here are just a few examples:
Hansel and Gretel
The storyline: Brother, sis, stepmom and dad (a humble woodcutter) live in forest hovel. Cruel stepmom leads kids into woods and splits. Hungry kids stumble onto gingerbread house and start nibbling at sugary roof. Old hag-owner snares the pair, begins to fatten them on junk food. Hag bends over to light oven and kids shove her inside to roast in her own juices.
The moral for Republicans: Expand death penalty to cover cannibalism.
Moral according to Democrats: Expand food stamps in rural areas. Make more mental health services available to rural elderly.
The Three Pigs
The plot: Porcine triplets build separate houses of straw, wood and brick. Neighborhood wolf blows down straw and wood houses. Pigs One and Two scurry to brother’s brick abode. Wolf, after exhaustive huffing and puffing, finally staggers off in defeat.
Republicans: Abolish laws protecting wolves. Give tax breaks to brick makers.
Democrats: Toughen housing regulations to protect against wind damage. Expand grants for multi-residential housing. Extend rights of lessors to include pigs.
The Little Red Hen
Plot: Apron-wearing chicken asks barnyard neighbors to help harvest her wheat crop. Pig, goat, horse, others claim aches, pains, prior commitments. When LRH asks,” Who will help me sift the grain?” lazy louts give same lame excuses. Also too occupied to knead dough and bake bread, But when the LRH produces a to-die-for loaf, all rush to the table expecting to be fed.
GOP: Not a crumb for the bums. Them what works hard are entitled to reap the rewards.
Dems: Appoint a special counsel to investigate miscommunication and dysfunction in barnyards. Include farms in expanded rural food stamp program (see Hansel & Gretel case above). Help fund program by imposing a tax surcharge on income of LRH.
Little Red Riding Hood
Plot: Nubile teen walks through woods to bring goodie basket to bedridden granny. Wolf hears about it, kills Granny, dons her peejays and slips into her bed. Red arrives, starts to fluff up Granny’s pillow, screams when grabbed by ravenous wolf. Passing woodcutter (no relation to Hansel & Gretel case) rescues her by killing wolf with ax.
GOP: Abolish wolf protection laws (see Pigs v. Wolf case). Enact tax incentives for the elderly to purchase guns.
Dems: Enact the Veterinary Care for All bill, which includes psychiatric counseling to abolish carnivore preference for flesh.
By now you know what to look for when reading Aesop or Hans Christian Anderson to your toddlers at bedtime. Cinderella, Pinocchio, The Three Bears….they’re full of political parables to start your progeny off on the right – or left – foot!